Everyone is afraid of intimacy whether they are aware of it or not because intimacy means exposing yourself before a stranger. People have to drop all their defenses for only then is intimacy possible. And the fear is that if you drop all your defenses, all your masks, who knows what the stranger will do with you? We are all hiding a thousand and one things from others and from ourselves because we have been brought up by a sick society with all kinds of repression and inhibition. It feels safer to keep a little defense, a little distance, because somebody can take advantage of our weaknesses, frailties and vulnerability.
Everyone is afraid of intimacy but the problem also is that everyone wants intimacy. Everyone wants intimacy otherwise we are alone in the universe without a friend, without a lover, without someone we can trust, without anyone to whom we can open our wounds. Wounds cannot heal unless they are opened, the more you hide them the more dangerous and cancerous they become. Intimacy is an essential need that everyone longs for; but unless you drop all the repression and inhibition which were implanted by culture, society, parents, education, you will never be able to be intimate with someone.
When inhibitions and repressions are dropped wounds heal easily, you live a more simple and natural life. There will be no fear of intimacy, only the tremendous joy of coming close to another human being. Such meetings are deeply gratifying, fulfilling but before you can attempt intimacy, you have to clean up your house completely. Only a man that has cleaned his house can allow intimacy because he has nothing to hide, all that was making him afraid that someone may know have been cleared.
You have to accept yourself in totality. If you cannot accept yourself in totality, how can you expect someone else to accept you? And you have been condemning yourself, hiding many things within not so beautiful to show others. You know ugly things are hidden in you, you know evil things are hidden in you, you know wild animality is hidden in you. Unless you transform your attitude and accept yourself no one will find you fulfilling. The animal in you is not bad, it simply means you are alive. If you accept your sexuality without any condition you can transform it into something most beautiful such as pleasure and empathy for all life.
When we live pretentious lives intimacy becomes something to be feared because you are not what you appear to be, your appearance is deceptive and you feel so about others. You may pretend to be a saint but deep down you are a vulnerable human being with all the desires and longings. Accept yourself in your totality in spite of all the traditions which have driven the whole of humanity bullocks. Once you accept yourself for who you are the fear of intimacy disappears. You become like a child utterly innocent. You can open up to enjoy simplicity, innocence, trust, love.
Once you are ready for intimacy you will encourage the other person also to be intimate. Your openness will help the other person, your unpretentious simplicity will allow the other person to be less afraid. When you become intimate with anyone you are no longer strangers and we are strangers to each other. Parents are strangers to children, bosses are strangers to employees, leaders are strangers to followers because we are afraid of intimacy, opening ourselves to one another.
Unburden your unconscious, unburden your mind, become ordinary once again. There is nothing more beautiful than to be simple and ordinary. Then we can have as many intimate friends, connect better with family, and make as many intimate relationships as possible because we are not hiding something or afraid of anything. We become an open book that anyone can read; people will come to love and trust us wholeheartedly.
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