Children that grow up hearing whatever they did was never good enough, who were criticized no matter what they did or how hard they tried, find it difficult to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. The shame forced on them for failing, for making mistakes can keep tasking them long into the future.
Parents and caregivers must be vigilant because they form the foundation of a child’s self image. Negligent parents raise children who are insensitive, who lack empathy and who have no sense of accountability to anyone. They pick poor habits and have no one to sift them at the detriment of their future. Finding it difficult to motivate themselves they settle for less.
Growing children with poor self-esteem are victims of abuse and bullying by others who can sense their lack. They seem to carry a message in their demeanor that give out weakness and helplessness. When children are abused at home or neglected by insensitive and cold parents they move around with such stigma and the sharks or predators can easily pick up the signal for their amusement.
When children see parents fighting each other, insulting and treating themselves badly they pick up those negative emotions and distrusting situation that is being modeled for them. It’s scary, overwhelming and disorganizing. Open conflict between parents can leave children feeling they contributed to the conflict or believe they are the cause of it. Such create poor self-esteem with can also retard healthy future relationships.
A child that feel safe around parents and feel the home is the safest place learns to have high self-esteem that helps them when outside of home. They recover easily from taunt or insult without any damage and when things get out of hand, they can report and count on their parents to serve as protectors. Children who feel unsafe at home and tortured outside home are overwhelmed by feelings of being lost, abandoned, hopeless which can damage their self worth.
Conversely, overprotective parents can leave the child unprepared for the outside world. Without initial cause to develop a tougher outer skin they feel ashamed to view themselves as someone unable to withstand the challenges outside of home. Because the parents never admitted to the child the dirty ugly secrets about the outside world and strived to protect them from every negative situation; the child now an adult experiencing the harsh reality cannot stand them.
When a child begins his or her academic life without supportive parents they can feel lost in such demanding environment. There is nothing like feeling stupid to create low self-esteem. If you were getting further and further behind without anyone noticing or stepping in to help you may believe you are somehow defective or stupid. The shame of feeling you aren’t good enough can be difficult to shake, even after you learn your own ways to accommodate for your academic difficulties.
Physical, sexual and emotional abuse may be the most striking and overt causes of low self-esteem. Being forced into a physical, sexual and emotional position against your will can make it very hard to like the world and trust others. You feel like nothing, rejected and alone with no help which can birth damaging self beliefs. You blame yourself, you feel dirty and see yourself as dirty, repulsive, shameful among many other negative feelings.
Religious doctrines that put people in a position of feeling like perpetual sinners can have a damaging impact on self-esteem. People feel they must do anything to redeem their sins and are susceptible to control and manipulation from anyone that offers them a path to redemption. This can evoke shame, guilt, conflict and self loathing. Such people are torn between right and wrong and inevitably fall in the abyss between the two. They end up feeling confused, disoriented, fake, and disappointed with themselves over and over again.
As an adult when you examine your history, you begin to see in some cases the negative imprint you encountered wasn’t meant for you, rather they flowed from the circumstance you once encountered. That perspective can help you to dilute the power of the negative imprints you formed about yourself during such period. There are experiences that may have caused you so much suffering you may never understand; but what matters most is continuing to find ways to feel as OK and safe as you can in your life right now.
The more you understand the source of your low self-esteem and can put them forward, the more you can use your growing self awareness to begin the process of self recovery.
Copyright 2020 © Love of Wisdom Blog